No. No. Nooo…No!

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

I can’t breathe.

My heart aches so much.

My head is swirling.

Somebody, help me.

I could hear loud footsteps from the hallway. The door just slammed wide open. I was still catching my breath so I didn’t bother to look who that was. All I felt is fear, fear, pain and sadness.

“He…Henri…” the next thing I know she sat on the chair next to my bed and rested my head on her lap.

“It’ll all be fine, Juno. Just relax.” I could feel her mild hands combing my hair and my weak, fragile body.

“Hey.” I whispered.

“Hmm?”

My thoughts are messed-up; I can’t think straight. Even if I did, Henrietta wouldn’t understand…

“Nothing. Th-thank you, Henrietta.”

I can hear her giggling. She sat on my bed; I moved down to give her some space. She continued to make me feel easy through the night. I doubt I could sleep at all, after that dream struck me again.

This is who I really am, a weak, sickly amputee, a lame excuse of a human being. I’ve lost everything I had on that airship disaster just when I was seven. I lost my parents, my oblivious sister and my friends. All I could think of that day was to survive…and I did.

Or so I thought. They brought me to the hospital and stayed there for more than a year, all the scars in my body healed. Sadly, they couldn’t cure my leg, so the doctors had to remove it.

The next thing I know is that I found myself in a dark, cold, lifeless room. I quickly realized I was not in the hospital anymore. I was freed afterwards; as the experts found out I was not suited as a “subject”. All the more makes me want to be dead instead. People can’t find use for me nor can I find use for myself.

But as I found out years later, I was one of the lucky ones that survived that genocide at Lighthalzen.

I drifted all the way to a town in the east where I could find a giant clock tower. People there were kind enough to let me stay indoors when there was bad weather; heck, they even gave me food, and everything I needed. I never even asked for any of it.

Such is the way in the town of Aldebaran.

When I was about 20, I found a girl just about my age—yes, that was Henrietta. She came all the way from Prontera for a mission. She was just your average priestess back then. I used to joke around her, but in truth I enjoyed her company. I could never tell how I’d feel though, because I fear the whole Church might go after me, burn me alive like a heretic. I felt even happier being with her at times when she defended me from people who kept on thrashing me around.

I love her, but I could never tell her. I guess it is fine this way.

One day, I witnessed the great town leader who gave me more than just a ragtag home. He was a great guy, a symbol of inspiration for everyone here in Aldebaran.

Together with Henrietta we visited his grave one day at the east end of the town, and I found a bunch of witherless roses. I remembered what he said back then...

“Great people are remembered not just by their names, kid. It’s how well they touch the lives of others.”

I guess he’s right. He’s darn right. But I’m just a commoner. Hell no way I’m going to do that much for her, let alone this town. I can’t be as good as him.

Heck, even after all those dreams, call it nightmares, or even hauntings, reaching for that very star is impossible...

“What exactly am I living for?”

I've thought of this for a long time, and I've yet to find an answer.

Someday.

Someday, I will.